Patience is Trust

Patience is hard for me. I want my blessings -- a house to live in again, another baby, this book to be written and done. When these blessing start to look impossible, how quickly my vision of God is obscured, and I replace Him with my own earthly father. I expect God to leave, to betray, to turn away. I expect Him to be cruel and cutting in His anger. I expect Him to think me of little worth. It's a god I want to hide from. Last night, I asked a different question than "When will the house come?"

Last night, I asked, "How can I better feel your love?" He responded. Some media I watched right after held exactly the counsel about patience I needed to hear. It wasn't that He gave me something. It was that He knew me so well, He could reach out to me through a YouTube video. It was that I knew He was good, He is loyal, and He is bound by covenant to me. I could see so clearly the purpose in this waiting time. I could see God as good again. I could submit willingly, "even as a child doth submit to [her] father" (Mosiah 3:19). You don't know how that scripture scares me, to submit to a father again. But this time, I'm going to put some radical trust that this father, this Heavenly Father, truly will be good to me. Trust is at the heart of patience. It is the purpose of it.